​In my country, or perhaps the entire Asian society, people frown upon you when you decided to quit a programme. They think you are a quitter. But so many famous entreprenuers are quitters too. I think it is a wrong concept. Rather, I believe these entrepreneurs think their time is better spent elsewhere.
Likewise, when I first took the Master of Applied Finance, the first module was Principles of Corporate Finance. The admission person was telling me how important it was, but it turned out how lousy the lecturer was. Not only were the materials already covered in my self-study certification programme, the intensive lectures were not useful. Without going through the materials, I have no idea where I do not know and utilise the time when the lecturer was around to ask questions. The lecturer was also busy talking crap rather than teaching the main topics. Although it was only particular lecturer, but I discovered that within such a tight timetable during term time, you are basically just skimming through the notes as much as possible.
If the cost difference is not $25k I would not mind, but with that huge difference between my self-study (plus workshop programme that I am going to sign up), I deserve better. Or rather, I can invest my money elsewhere better.
A friend pointed out to me – any Master programme is just basically self-study and discussion among your classmates. The lecturer basically takes a hands-off role. With one module I got a taste of how master programme is run and I swear off any master programme unless it is fully funded by the employer.
Now I enjoy my own time and target. I can fully utilise my weekends to study and adjusting my own pace (rushing if I feel I am lacking behind). I would rather mark up the questions and wait till the course starts next January before I ask the lecturer and my new classmates.
 

Initially I was wondering if I should place a picture of colon for this post. But it really looks gross. So I decided not to and use a more metaphorical picture to represent this post.
I went for a colonoscopy and gastroscopy last Friday. The main objective was I wanted to do this check-up which has been overdue for a year already. But without a job that I think I can stay long enough to get it done and have the claims processed, I put this off. Naturally in this new job, I have planned to get this done once I passed my probation (technically I am 4 months old when I have this done).
It was fortunate that I had the scope because they found two polyps in my colon. Small in size but best to get rid of these nasty bumps since they are pre-cancerous.  Although there are little evidence to back up this rationale, but my gut feelings was my depression last year may have cause some mutation in my genes.
Slowly I am planning how to utilise my benefits in this company before they take it away. I am now planning for two more vaccinations which I believe will comfortably use up my wellbeing benefits. When the economy is bad, I would say it is best to utilise all the benefits you enjoy now. One never knows when the axe is going to drop or a nasty direction that the company is heading towards. 

I am not sure if I am being paranoid, or just the usual things that my mum says that really rubs me the wrong way. But I could feel my depression is coming back. I do not know if you have sometimes really murderous thoughts when actually it is a very small issue (my rational character tells me, thank god).
For instance, if someone bumped into me in the train, or a kid stepped on my toes (I do not know why kids like to step on other people’s toes), or even people just trying to push their luck by trying to get into my space in the train (yes, there are people who think I am good and easy to bully because I look like I am harmless and doesn’t bite, but in my mind you are already tied up and whipped to death).
Needless to say, I do recognise these facts and am trying to curb myself, this time with more self-awareness. I still feel the lack of space to think back home and am trying to declutter my life by just focusing on work, exercise (I am obscenely obese and have decided I REALLY need to lose weight this year) and study. If my mum says stupid things again, I can safely scoot off to a study room nearby to study (I am doing that now since I have embarked on my finance course – but I have quit my Master of Applied Finance and resumed back my self-study certification programme).
For now, I am more than ever certain that a one-day meditation is necessary, and I need to go for a retreat once a year to relieve my pressure of being a 35-year-old female singleton in an Asian society where they do look down on you like you are some kind of parasite. Perhaps the stress of trying to get my own house and coping with a boring silly day job are also getting to me. I have ballot thrice already and with each house balloting I am praying hard that this time round I am finally going to be lucky this time round to get my own flat, even if it is a small 1-bedder apartment. I crave for my own roof over my head because it means I will no longer need to depend on anyone else.
My day job is boring, tedious and serves as a good motivation for me to continue my self-study (which was the main reason why I decided to study now, so that both help to motivate me – at work for bills and house, and study – for that one small chance to finally escape marketing and communications field for good).
Phew! That is a long list of things that I have been rambling about. Maybe that is the reason why my depression is coming back. I need to simplify my thoughts again. 
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