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The Secret Writer

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WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING ALL THESE WHILE???

8/10/2015

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As I read more and more about Buddhism and its concept, I felt very regretful for wasting so much of my time in the past. I should have preserve in attending the dharma class when I first signed up. Now, everything speaks to me. I feel that this was right and yet I have little time. I do know that I could extend the time if I want to, and Buddhism is not in favour of my decision. But that is the only thing that I will not compromise or change my mind. It is like the anchor that gave me the strength to live on for the past close to five years.

But there are so many things that I want to do that I feel that I should dedicate one week in October after leaving this job to study more while I could. I feel at peace. Like I am one step closer to that peace and tranquility that I felt in my sunflower dream. I want to practise more meditation but within a short period of time. I need to now. 

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karma and i - part 3

8/4/2015

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I can now properly going into the main topic that I want to talk about after providing the background. As I reflect back the jobs that I had ever since I graduated from college, I realised that it could most likely be due to karma that caused me to have such heartache from job to job. I never had a good boss that I could look up to.. the only closest one would be the healthcare organisation boss where I could do the job but at least my boss was nice and was holding the fort (although they hired someone else to the director role and I am sure things would have changed again). I have started going for dharma class this year (finally glad that I have made the step finally after so many years of procrastination), karma was a topic that was mentioned during the heart sutra (I am taking meditation class now) course. Since karma is a cause and effect action, I began to think and believe that it could be due to my past lives’ misdeeds (perhaps I have been a bastard or bitch to others), that I do not have anyone close this year. The entire theme that can describe my life so far is simply loneliness. I am always alone, in life, in school, at work. I have problems reaching out to people and forming deep relationships. At the same time, they always abandon me towards the end (and sometimes very quietly). Maybe in my previous lives, I have abandoned many many many people. Thankfully, the dharma class taught me to accept everything in a calm manner since everything is transient. The next thought that came to me was a little more positive: after paying your “debts” this lifetime, the next will be on a clean slate. Hence, I also have this increasing urge to do some good deeds this year while I could.

 



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Karma and  I - Part 2

8/2/2015

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Hence I left after I accepted another job with a semiconductor company. Unbelievably, the female manager has actually resigned before I even joined the company. Although she could say nice words like I could be groomed into a manager etc, it was fake. It was clear that she had already planned it out – hire the person that had some experience and could join as quickly as possible, resigned on the first day of the month that the person is coming in (even though I only joined on the 6th), and then leave after 20 days. I think this female manager is naïve to think that anyone would want to congratulate her in her last job. Because it just screamed selfish on her part. The only thankful thing was I decided to speak up for myself on the second last day before she left the company and met the HR manager alone (although she was very unprofessional to reveal the content we spoke). I couldn’t speak my mind when I was scheduled a phone call with the US boss and her (sitting in front of me and instructing me to just sit listen). But at least I have told the HR my ultimatum: either get a manager in by end of August, or I will quit in August. Either 1st of August or 14th August. I could survive with another month on my own in this company.

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I came across this site  that talked about a selfish boss  (and the credit of the image beside), and Point 3 just simply described her to the  point -  leave you in the lurch. 



   Well, she better pray that her new job is stable.  :) 

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Karma and I – Part 1

8/2/2015

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It has been some time since I have written a blog.. it is not forgivable though  since I was trying to start a blog and attract traffic. However, many things happened at work.  I shall give a warning first.. this post is going to be pretty long.

My last post talked about a job that I actually was quite reluctant to take up but due to money issues, I decided to take it. As expected, the job sucked big time. It was the third time in a row that I had little things to do at work. The pay was lower than my last full time job stated in my resume, but I think it was fair (and I did mention this to the HR manager during my exit interview) to pay that salary to me with that kind of jobscope. My boss was good though in terms of flexibility. In fact, he was too lenient for the good of the organisation. He allowed me to take time off and never mention anything when it comes to long lunches. I had a good time with non-work aspects in this job frankly speaking. Unlike the insurance company that I entered, where I felt alone, the colleagues in this organisation were on the whole either ok (those that didn’t like me, I did not have to work that closely with them) and during lunch time, I have a fixed small group of colleagues and interns to have lunch with. My friends and sister were working nearby as well, so I was okay. However, it was unbearable after working for five months where there were days when you literally just spent the whole day watching two movies and some cartoons to while away the time. 

I believe it is normal for most people. I would like to reiterate, although no one likes a busy job that literally force you to plan right down to the minute to FULLY make use of the time to finish the ever-piling work, it is NOT happiness nor luck to have a job that trains you to read all the reading sites as much as up to eight hours a day.

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 Credit of photo
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ideas for the second book coming....

8/2/2015

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My first book was an attempt, albeit a failed attempt to combine fantasy/mystical with reality.. hahahaha... so fantasy/mystical writers really have an extremely good imagination to be able to translate that into words and bring their readers into their world.
I can't. So, I decided to stick to reality drama. Anyway, there is a big drama story unfolding around me. So since I have gotten permission to use this story, I shall weave it into my second book, of course with many many other drama-mama storylines into it. Now, I just need to set aside time to do so.. 
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    A woman who has long passed the marriageable age, or known as 剩女, but becoming comfortable and contented with my singlehood life and the freedom it brings to me.  

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