I want to dedicate this post to you for writing back to me. THANK YOU. Your post meant the world to me and I am glad that I am not the only one who felt this way, and similarly, hope you too. Although we never meet each other in real life, but I hope that through this website, we can support each other through life’s journey ups and downs. Post-suicide, I realised the power of sharing your life experiences, pains, sadness is really and truly great. It draws the power of others who understand you from the internet and give you strength, in a strange way.
Besides thanking readers who wrote to me, I wanted to explain a little about my life and what I was tied up with. The past one year and 2 months had been busy and full of anger, sadness and happiness as well. Job-wise, in my earlier post, I have already indicated my unhappiness. However, I do believe when one door closes, another door will open. I am reaching the end of my current job and hopefully can move on to a new one with better environment, boss, colleagues and a job that challenges me in a good way to showcase my abilities. Hence, to me, work now takes a backburner.
Studies wise, I am still ploughing through my CFA studies. It has been tough but I am trying to squeeze in more time to study even on weekdays. So, although life is not much fun now, I do ensure I still exercise thrice a week, if not at least twice, to keep my body and mind healthy (it is really true that exercise does keep depression in check).
Family wise, I regret to say that my father was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. Despite the fact that I do not receive much warmth and support from my family when I was sick, I still decided to help out because you just got to help out when the times come. Thankfully because I am reaching towards the last leg of my work (serving notice period), I am able to squeeze more time at home to handle administrative work such as ensuring finances are all properly done for health insurance claims, making sure all appointments are arranged properly, and keeping an eye on my father while home. I also help to clean his post-surgery wounds (because my mum just cannot bear it especially during the initial days when it was pretty raw).
I am actually going through this whole process without much sadness. It is more of taking this as a project that I am planning out the next steps to take kind of feeling. The only time I broke down was during the initial days when my father was discharged and I was really overwhelmed with the fact that I had to squeeze in time to clean wounds in the morning when it could be spent on studying (yes, I studied one hour before I get ready for work in the morning). The only thing I was very thankful to myself was the fact that I was very disciplined and started early. Since last year, I kept forcing myself to study and do as much exercises as early as possible. Now, I would say I still try to keep the weekends free as much as possible for study.
The good thing is my father’s wounds have recovered pretty nicely. So I believe by the end of April, the wound dressing routine will be gone by then. The next phase will be chemotherapy but by then I will have left my job and have more time at home to juggle my studies and my father (for medical appointments etc).
The one last thing that I hope to achieve is to secure a good job by early May. It is really kinda unexpected, but I never thought March/April will become so hectic for me. But I am glad everything is working out okay for me. Sometimes, I really think you just got to focus on thinking a few steps at the moment and leave the rest to later to sort out as things go.
After this month, I do want to return to my once a month temple ritual for much needed praying to calm my soul. And to regain some sanity after this whirlwind is over.
And I promise to update my website more often with good stories and experiences to share. Thank you to those who take the time to read my website and I hope to continue to hear from you.