Today my mum tested my patience again. Ever since I started taking my Masters in Applied Finance, I knew what I was going into and hence I have been burning many hours over weekend to do my homework, which is graded.
It is not the first time that this ever happens, but YES my mum will always think her stuff demands IMMEDIATE response. I was on the phone to resolve some issues with telecom operator. She suddenly went raving mad again in the background. I think she is mad and irrational and so I decided it is not even worth me to waste my energy and brain cells (actually I have no brain cells left to be thinking about her issue). I am glad that my masters is taking the focus of my life for the next two years.
And I do not give in to whims that you are going to die and children should throw everything aside to attend to what will happen after you pass away. In the first place, it really turns people off. From a small issue of not able to attend to her immediately, it spirals into something again like unfilial children. I have given up hope that she will ever come around that she is just being a toxic mother trying to play the emotional blackmail card. And if ever she passes away, it is the sutra chanting etc that really will help her, not the ritual that we have it on this earth. (sorry this is for people who are buddhists, non-buddhists will have their own bible, koran etc during funerals and thereafter.)
Apologies to my readers if this does not sound coherent, but I have decided to apply my religious teaching to this situation and it does help.
1) If someone is being unreasonable, just ignore. Build a wall to protect yourself emotionally and mentally.
I was fortunate she left the house for another appointment. I got some breathing space to recollect myself. And I did help her do the household chores while she was out. So?? I think offering practical help is more realistic than doing those useless ritual (like helping her settle her columbarium issues)
2) Try to focus on the happy thoughts and long term solution (if you have)
I am now in the midst of applying flat. This thought makes me happy. I also know that it doesn't seem to make sense that I am studying finance instead of going out to get a husband. But I am rational. Between something that I can get it if i put in the effort and something that all depends on luck and heartaches if you meet the lousy guys, I prefer the former. OF COURSE. Anyone with a brain will choose that.
3) Recognise that sometimes unreasonable and irrational people will NEVER be able to understand you.
Yes, it is just a matter of me putting down the phone once settled and come to me to tell me what to do to send a Whatsapp message. No need to get all rattled up. I cannot listen to two things at the same time. So don't be unreasonable. It is crazy. Mad. But I know that she is unreasonable. So I don't bother with her anymore.
After reading so much online, the best advice given is always to ignore. My studies is taking up a huge chuck of my time and on weekends I do spend at least one saturday in school to stay away from her. So I am glad. I have my sanity. And I know once I get a flat, this peace and serenity will be mine forever.
And readers, do you know - today I have done my tax filing, pay all my bills, clean the house and continuing to do my 1001 homework all in one day? I call that efficiency and productivity, and I deserve a big pat today on my shoulders. This is self-affirmation. :)
It is not the first time that this ever happens, but YES my mum will always think her stuff demands IMMEDIATE response. I was on the phone to resolve some issues with telecom operator. She suddenly went raving mad again in the background. I think she is mad and irrational and so I decided it is not even worth me to waste my energy and brain cells (actually I have no brain cells left to be thinking about her issue). I am glad that my masters is taking the focus of my life for the next two years.
And I do not give in to whims that you are going to die and children should throw everything aside to attend to what will happen after you pass away. In the first place, it really turns people off. From a small issue of not able to attend to her immediately, it spirals into something again like unfilial children. I have given up hope that she will ever come around that she is just being a toxic mother trying to play the emotional blackmail card. And if ever she passes away, it is the sutra chanting etc that really will help her, not the ritual that we have it on this earth. (sorry this is for people who are buddhists, non-buddhists will have their own bible, koran etc during funerals and thereafter.)
Apologies to my readers if this does not sound coherent, but I have decided to apply my religious teaching to this situation and it does help.
1) If someone is being unreasonable, just ignore. Build a wall to protect yourself emotionally and mentally.
I was fortunate she left the house for another appointment. I got some breathing space to recollect myself. And I did help her do the household chores while she was out. So?? I think offering practical help is more realistic than doing those useless ritual (like helping her settle her columbarium issues)
2) Try to focus on the happy thoughts and long term solution (if you have)
I am now in the midst of applying flat. This thought makes me happy. I also know that it doesn't seem to make sense that I am studying finance instead of going out to get a husband. But I am rational. Between something that I can get it if i put in the effort and something that all depends on luck and heartaches if you meet the lousy guys, I prefer the former. OF COURSE. Anyone with a brain will choose that.
3) Recognise that sometimes unreasonable and irrational people will NEVER be able to understand you.
Yes, it is just a matter of me putting down the phone once settled and come to me to tell me what to do to send a Whatsapp message. No need to get all rattled up. I cannot listen to two things at the same time. So don't be unreasonable. It is crazy. Mad. But I know that she is unreasonable. So I don't bother with her anymore.
After reading so much online, the best advice given is always to ignore. My studies is taking up a huge chuck of my time and on weekends I do spend at least one saturday in school to stay away from her. So I am glad. I have my sanity. And I know once I get a flat, this peace and serenity will be mine forever.
And readers, do you know - today I have done my tax filing, pay all my bills, clean the house and continuing to do my 1001 homework all in one day? I call that efficiency and productivity, and I deserve a big pat today on my shoulders. This is self-affirmation. :)
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