I have a university friend whom I was closest to her during university days. After we graduated, we still met up but on an ad-hoc basis. She was attached in her first job and soon followed her boyfriend, now husband, to Boston for further studies. Thereafter, she moved to London with him for 4 years. I never visited her in London because honestly speaking, it is an expensive destination and not an appealing country to me.
She invited me to her wedding prior to her trip to London, and it was 4 years later when she returned to Singapore heavily pregnant that I caught up with her again. The meet-ups were infrequent and the very last was when I visited her after work. At that time, my workplace is near her house and she was waiting for her first job back in Singapore to start. I saw her first child. Then, when she started work, I also visited her during lunchtime when I was not working/in between jobs.
However, after not meeting for another year and my workplace is not near town area, I decided to ask her for a date this June. Considering now is January, there is plenty of time for her to make plans for childcare on a Saturday. She rejected flatly stating she needs to take over caring for her kids and give her in-laws a break. Well, what is her husband for? And couldn’t he take over for a Saturday afternoon?
After 3 years of me compromising to her schedule/venue, I decided that was it. And it dawned upon me that perhaps the friendship had already changed after she went to London with her husband. Hence I gave her a text replying perhaps we shall meet up 5 years or later when her kids are older since I have my father to take care, and gave a nonchalant take care to end off the conversation.
She replied “So no lunchtimes?”
I didn’t open that message and promptly blocked her on WhatsApp. I knew she likes to check others’ facebook status and so I also blocked her from my facebook.
Although it was sad, but I felt that perhaps this friendship had already “expired” several years back. I always made it a point that I will not make myself that available to anyone if they do not know how to reciprocate. Since she never really asked about my life and is pretty self-centred after I reflected the past few years’ conversation, I decided ending my friendship with her once and for all really doesn’t make an impact on my current life.
It is true. After blocking, I realised I did not miss much at all. There was NO IMPACT at all. Although I still have flashing angry thoughts about her, but I always try to tell myself to move on. She may be happy with her current lifestyle, but I knew, like all women, when their children are grown up and have their own friends during their teen-hood, they will regret for not keeping any female friends around. I am not going to be one of those spare tyres then. I deserved more and much more genuine friends.
Another university friend whom we recently patched back – me taking the initiative – told me: “You change your friends as you get older.”
That is so true. But I disagree with her when she said your social circle gets smaller. I can be extroverted if I want to, and I want to strike a balance of keeping my secondary school (equivalent to high school for those in USA) friends and continuously making new friends through workplace and other business/social meet-ups.