When I started this blog, I have two objectives: first, to make this website a darn good one that attract lots of readers. Second, to provide an outlet for me to express my emotions. I started searching a lot of bloggers' websites to find out what makes their website so interesting. There are many types of bloggers - the food bloggers, the fashion/makeup bloggers, the one that talks about life (my favourites are The Minimalists and Hyperbole and a Half. In fact, it was Hyperbole and a Half that made me decided to buy a Wacom tablet to try my hand on illustration. So far it is still sitting inside a black sleeve cover screaming for me to use it).
However, I decided to be myself. I cannot be a food blogger because I am not that into food (and I need to go on a diet under my doctor's advice). I cannot be a fashion/makeup blogger because I really need some help myself. But there is one thing that I love to read, and my favourite blogs actually revealed that a loooong time ago. I want my blog to be dedicated to the common rants and situations that everyone will experience or likely to experience in their lifetime. Only then will this blog be meaningful to me. I want to share my experiences and thoughts and welcome others who ever drop by this website to read my postings. At the bottom of my heart, I hope that I am not alone in experiencing these anguish or heart-breaking moments (I promise to share the good ones as well).
Today, something happened that made me decided to write a post on it - negativity. Besides my previous post on an acquaintance that re-connected with me a few years back and wanted to turn me into an Aunt Agony, I have another family member that has always been a negative person. I don't really want to share more details about this family member, but this person is always around in the house. I shall call this person as A.
A had a hard time growing up, no thanks to A's parents. Suffering from a lack of love and affection, A always had to give, give, give through helping with chores and taking care of several younger brothers and sister. What makes it worse is A has this mentality that one should take care of one's parents even if they have a big grievance against it. Well, for me I would say if someone treats me shabbily, even if it is a close member I will not hesitate to build up a wall between me and that person.
But A doesn't.
In fact, A extends this "I must help or bad karma will descend on me" type of feelings even to neighbours. Many years back, I have already encouraged A to go and join the neighbourhood activities to expand social circle instead of cooping at home. After years of quarreling, scolding and nagging at me "for being a smart aleck", "naive since there are definitely politics in such activities" (where in the world will you find a place that is POLITICS-FREE?) etc, A finally integrated and made some friends in the neighbourhood.
But A displayed a lot of negative behaviours that I personally felt are detrimental to other family members. A complained a lot (and I mean, really A LOT) when things doesn't go as planned. Instead of facing the problem directly, A would choose to wallow in self-pity then go around bitching (I don't really want to use this word but really it is the best word to describe it) behind that person's back. That, to me, is useless, non-constructive and totally a negative source.
A also started to claim credit by saying there are so many household chores done by A. But frankly, when others wanted to do, A just complained that it was not done as per A's standard. A lot of quarrels definitely happened and for young ones who were living in the house a few months back, it was a very toxic environment for the kids (I managed to persuade and convince for the kids to move back to their own place).
From this experience, I realised a few things. I might be wrong, but everyone will somehow develop their own way of handling such issues:
1) If there is a negative person higher than you and belittle you, I think the best way is to disconnect emotionally. In Asian societies, we are still obliged to help with the basic stuff. Because we got to do it - it is the "right way". After more than 30 years, I have finally managed to disconnect most of the times.
2) Ignore the person. Really - to save yourself some heartache, tears and regain your sanity. Refrain from talking too much with negative people.
3) If possible, leave the place. I planned to do so next year. It is already high time for me to seek my own place and live on my own. My country has too many crap law preventing me from getting my own house but I am sure I can handle this problem overseas provided I select a place with low cost of living.
4) Negative parents breed negative children. This should be a no-brainer since monkey see monkey do. One of the top reasons why I refused to have kids of my own.
A few things that I also learnt from A:
1) If you are negative, you are always pushing people away through your own scoldings, unhappiness. Relationships can be very simple. If you are encouraging and positive, you can attract people to your life. And positive people.
2) Seriously need to learn to let it go. Otherwise, you will only forever be dwelling in misery.
3) Go out and make friends with positive mentality. Those who falls under the toxic negative list (or emotionally unstable list, please cancel them out of your life). In the past, I would not have the courage to do so. After 30, heck it. This is MY LIFE. I don't wish to invite anymore emotionally draining/toxic people in my life. One is enough.
4) Really GET A LIFE. Do something, anything to focus your energy on something. Like a hobby.
Sometimes, I do believe God does put you in places to learn something. I once had my breakfast alone in MacDonald's and I saw this old couple having breakfast together. The husband asked the wife if she would be cooking dinner that night. Based on my growing up days, I thought the wife would launch into a rant. No! Instead, she just replied," Yes, I will. I have a rehearsal later (for National Day Parade, mind you), but I will be cooking."
That's it.
Suddenly, I realised that this IS the CORRECT way to communicate between a couple.
Therefore, for the last year remaining in my hometown, I hope to stay as positive as possible and create more happy memories for myself.
However, I decided to be myself. I cannot be a food blogger because I am not that into food (and I need to go on a diet under my doctor's advice). I cannot be a fashion/makeup blogger because I really need some help myself. But there is one thing that I love to read, and my favourite blogs actually revealed that a loooong time ago. I want my blog to be dedicated to the common rants and situations that everyone will experience or likely to experience in their lifetime. Only then will this blog be meaningful to me. I want to share my experiences and thoughts and welcome others who ever drop by this website to read my postings. At the bottom of my heart, I hope that I am not alone in experiencing these anguish or heart-breaking moments (I promise to share the good ones as well).
Today, something happened that made me decided to write a post on it - negativity. Besides my previous post on an acquaintance that re-connected with me a few years back and wanted to turn me into an Aunt Agony, I have another family member that has always been a negative person. I don't really want to share more details about this family member, but this person is always around in the house. I shall call this person as A.
A had a hard time growing up, no thanks to A's parents. Suffering from a lack of love and affection, A always had to give, give, give through helping with chores and taking care of several younger brothers and sister. What makes it worse is A has this mentality that one should take care of one's parents even if they have a big grievance against it. Well, for me I would say if someone treats me shabbily, even if it is a close member I will not hesitate to build up a wall between me and that person.
But A doesn't.
In fact, A extends this "I must help or bad karma will descend on me" type of feelings even to neighbours. Many years back, I have already encouraged A to go and join the neighbourhood activities to expand social circle instead of cooping at home. After years of quarreling, scolding and nagging at me "for being a smart aleck", "naive since there are definitely politics in such activities" (where in the world will you find a place that is POLITICS-FREE?) etc, A finally integrated and made some friends in the neighbourhood.
But A displayed a lot of negative behaviours that I personally felt are detrimental to other family members. A complained a lot (and I mean, really A LOT) when things doesn't go as planned. Instead of facing the problem directly, A would choose to wallow in self-pity then go around bitching (I don't really want to use this word but really it is the best word to describe it) behind that person's back. That, to me, is useless, non-constructive and totally a negative source.
A also started to claim credit by saying there are so many household chores done by A. But frankly, when others wanted to do, A just complained that it was not done as per A's standard. A lot of quarrels definitely happened and for young ones who were living in the house a few months back, it was a very toxic environment for the kids (I managed to persuade and convince for the kids to move back to their own place).
From this experience, I realised a few things. I might be wrong, but everyone will somehow develop their own way of handling such issues:
1) If there is a negative person higher than you and belittle you, I think the best way is to disconnect emotionally. In Asian societies, we are still obliged to help with the basic stuff. Because we got to do it - it is the "right way". After more than 30 years, I have finally managed to disconnect most of the times.
2) Ignore the person. Really - to save yourself some heartache, tears and regain your sanity. Refrain from talking too much with negative people.
3) If possible, leave the place. I planned to do so next year. It is already high time for me to seek my own place and live on my own. My country has too many crap law preventing me from getting my own house but I am sure I can handle this problem overseas provided I select a place with low cost of living.
4) Negative parents breed negative children. This should be a no-brainer since monkey see monkey do. One of the top reasons why I refused to have kids of my own.
A few things that I also learnt from A:
1) If you are negative, you are always pushing people away through your own scoldings, unhappiness. Relationships can be very simple. If you are encouraging and positive, you can attract people to your life. And positive people.
2) Seriously need to learn to let it go. Otherwise, you will only forever be dwelling in misery.
3) Go out and make friends with positive mentality. Those who falls under the toxic negative list (or emotionally unstable list, please cancel them out of your life). In the past, I would not have the courage to do so. After 30, heck it. This is MY LIFE. I don't wish to invite anymore emotionally draining/toxic people in my life. One is enough.
4) Really GET A LIFE. Do something, anything to focus your energy on something. Like a hobby.
Sometimes, I do believe God does put you in places to learn something. I once had my breakfast alone in MacDonald's and I saw this old couple having breakfast together. The husband asked the wife if she would be cooking dinner that night. Based on my growing up days, I thought the wife would launch into a rant. No! Instead, she just replied," Yes, I will. I have a rehearsal later (for National Day Parade, mind you), but I will be cooking."
That's it.
Suddenly, I realised that this IS the CORRECT way to communicate between a couple.
Therefore, for the last year remaining in my hometown, I hope to stay as positive as possible and create more happy memories for myself.
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