This post came to my feed when I had an earlier conversation with my friend about singlehood and marriage on that very evening. We shared the same outlook that unless you meet the right one (not in terms of looks and wealth, but more on personality and character) the marriage might be a burden and a source of depression, stress and sadness in your life. There are many unhappy marriages around us, be it friends or colleagues, and we wondered if marriage is really the path to happiness (of course, we are glad that there are happy blissful marriages as well :) ).
For my readers who are non-chinese, this passage basically says: the writer said many people asked her if the reason behind her singlehood for a long time was due to high expectations. She replied no. She met guys who expressed their interest in her but she does not think they are genuinely interested in her. They just pay lip service to her. For example, they expressed their concern on her but when she faced difficulties, no one step out to really lend her a hand at that moment. When she fell sick, they only told her to drink more water and rest more. When it was pouring cats and dogs at night, they just told her to be careful on the way back. So she reasoned that she is simply very clear that the guys in her life do not place a lot of emphasis on her; or they may like her, but it does not hinder them liking others as well. The only regret she has in this life is she has never experienced a relationship with the other party having absolute devotion on her. It is simply a feeling that he happens to need someone, and she happens to be there.
When I came across this passage, I felt this passage summarises the reason behind my singlehood. When I was 17-18, I had classmates who liked me. But they never wooed me. Never. When we met each other after graduation, they just avoided me. 10 over guys ( i think they had a gathering among themselves). One did pick up courage to ask me out but I declined because I really don’t see we can communicate deeply during our contact in school. 10 years later, we had a class reunion gathering. He brought a girlfriend who is as introverted as him. Another guy who liked me was soon also married with 2 children now (he did not woo me at all when we graduated. I might consider him actually). So, to me, I gathered that they may like me but it is not deep at all. They can easily find another girl to replace and be their wives.
Coming to 37 in 3 months’ time, I already knew I have past my prime and it is not possible to get married in this life. But I am now coming to terms with my singlehood in a peaceful manner and have made a resolution that my planning for the future will be based on my current status. I will save money for my retirement since I have gotten a house of my own (yes I am still rejoicing and grateful over that every single day), start researching slowly on overseas retirement schemes so that I can live a comfortable life in my golden years at a lower cost and checking out areas that provide medical facilities when I need assistance during my silver years. I also decided to re-start making more friends as social circle is important for mental and emotional health.
I have also decided not to waste time messing up my mind nor feelings (the awful up and down emotion, the sense of disappointment, lost and envy when you see other couples together) on searching for Mr Right. Instead, I try to prolong my health (simply because I only have myself to rely on when I am old) so that I am still in decent health when I retire and able to travel to other countries at a leisure pace. I also plan to spend more and more time on my religion so that I can cultivate a sense of purpose, direction and peace in my life.
My current rationale is this: if I have only 60 years in this lifetime, that means I have 23 more years to go. I hope to live as happy and peaceful every single day as I can in these 23 remaining years. Don't you agree?